“My name is Sandra Alley and I asked my good friend Lorene if I could guest blog once as I think that’s all I could manage! Writing this was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I found myself going back to High School English class. Well, here goes…

Our son Jarrett John Alley died unexpectedly of a brain aneurysm on December 14^th, 1997 at the tender age of 13 years. Our lives — my husband, daughter Lauren’s and mine — would never ever be the same. Not only did our lives change but also the lives of Jarrett’s friends. What happens to his friends? Do we just not see them?  Is that what happens? There was no handbook to reference on any of what we as a family or his friends were about to experience. 

While my son’s friendship with each boy was unique, the one thing they had in common was Jarrett. Each was asking the same question as they tried to comprehend how their healthy vibrant 13 year old buddy could just die so quickly. Within the span of a week, they went from going to a movie with their friend — laughing and eating popcorn — and seven days later they were visiting him in ICU on his death bed saying goodbye to their friend. Even going so far as to tuck .50 cents they lost in a bet into Jarrett’s hand where they remained even after life left his body. 

Jarrett’s friends set the tone very soon after he died wanting to come over to our house to be around where their friend once was a short time ago. Having shared many happy memories with them in our home, made it feel natural to continue to have them around. In turn, they seemed to want to keep spending time with us and Jarrett’s sister. We are forever grateful for all his friends and they have become part of our extended family over the early months and years after Jarrett’s passing. As each first birthday or first anniversary of Jarrett’s death approached, they would help us plan the day. They came up with things like choosing a favourite song to play at the cemetery or what fireworks were sure to shoot the highest. Jarrett always liked the biggest and the best in life so they believed it should be no different after he died. It was the boy’s way of tangibly honouring their friendship. 

Having Jarrett’s 13 year old circle of friends celebrate his life is still a large part of our journey. Even after 18 years, they still come to Jarrett event days and other family occasions. We look forward to those visits with more smiles than tears now. Also, having them embrace a future that continues to include our son and his family is pretty special. We are grateful for their fortitude as well as the compassion they bestow on us as year after year they continue to honour the life of their friend. It says a lot about who these young men are and equally so, who our beloved son was. I believe the friendships and bonds that were created all those many years ago were put in place to help our family survive Jarrett’s death. Why else would each time we see them gathered around our son’s grave feel like an angel gift? 

And, because I cannot end this message any other way…

We love you Jarrett, forever and for always our son, brother and friend you will be.”