Throughout my writing journey there have been periods of time I could not make myself write or edit a single word. Just the thought of sitting down at my computer made me cringe inside.Looking back I would guess this writing void (or maybe avoidance is a better word) happened about once every three or four years. Whether it was posting blogs on Kalei’s original website or the writing and editing of Forever Kalei’s Mom, sometimes I just couldn’t do it. It wasn’t that I did not have the ideas or words to put to print because I am never without those – writers block is not my problem yet – I just couldn’t make myself share them with the outside world!
During the book writing process, when this would happen my friend Sandy (my book writing mentor) would ask, “Lorene, you have not sent me anything to read for a long time. Is everything okay?” I never knew what to tell her. I just couldn’t pin down whether the dearth of sharing meant I was living too much in the Regular Universe and not enough in the Parallel one (or visa versa) and that was messing me up or I was simply losing my commitment to this part of my grief journey. For a long time I did not know why I would stop when every fibre of my being screamed at me to write, write, write! It turns out the answer is two-fold.
One, from time to time I need to mentally and emotionally re-set in order to find the correct balance between the two universes – physical and spiritual. It is not easy for me to maintain that grief driven harmony in my five-sense dominated universe. When I don’t continually work at it, my sixth sense parallel one (where I connect with my Kalei) tends to get overwhelmed by the day-to-day noise of the five sense regular one. It is the same if I try and live with only spirit…earth life gets messed up. It takes a conscious effort, and sometimes months at a time, to work my way back into a life-death balance that makes me happy.
Two, I am about to be given a big Lorene journey lesson. Those require me and me alone (no help from my angel) to work through them. Those often involve another long dark night of the soul walk…even after all these years.
So when my keyboard goes silent, know that I am not stopping, stuck, finished, etc. etc. with writing. I am just taking a bit of time to work on well, me and my journey. When I have done what I need to do and content that I have learned whatever lesson I was supposed to learn, I will be back. If it is meant to be, I might even be bringing a very special gift to share with you.
