Two years ago today Kalei’s Grandma Helen died — she was 88 years old. She had a good life. She had a long life. She was fortunate to be healthy for most of those 88 years. It was only in the past couple of years that she began to struggle. She wasn’t in pain, but ever so slowly her lungs were filling up with scar tissue which, in time, made breathing more and more difficult.
Her illness did not really hold her back until the last couple of months before her death. She played a drum in Grandpa’s band and stayed in her home until the last few months before her death. Eventually, with lung capacity seriously diminished and her quality of life began to suffer. When her time came, she was ready to go. Perhaps because the other side of death wasn’t this ethereal place where a guy named God resides. For her, the other side of death was a bit more tangible for it was where her granddaughter Kalei waited for her. That knowing more than anything else was of great comfort to her.
As to her earth body, shortly after Kalei died Grandma and Grandpa purchased a plot next to their granddaughter. Grandma said, “I want to be able to reach out my right hand and touch Kalei whenever I want to.” Now she can.
Every spring I tend Kalei’s ‘room’ at the cemetery. While not everyone goes to the extremes I do (yes, I realize I am a wee bit extreme in some areas…okay…a lot extreme) but hey, it’s my back so if I want to use it to tend this special place so be it. And just so you know, I am not the only one…not that I am mentioning names Jarrett’s mom and dad!
With equipment in tow I spend the afternoon de-thatching the grass, spread fertilizer (I am not sure if I am actually allowed to do that part so let’s keep the fertilizer step our little secret) and add some fresh lawn soil. Outside of being somewhat of a curiosity as I work, the results make me feel good when I see this little island of healthy green grass all summer. Of course, this tending extended to Grandma after her burial.
On Grandma’s 1st year death anniversary, most of the family was able to get together in Calgary. Those that couldn’t engaged as best they could. We were lucky that the weather was good so everyone was able to pitch in with the ‘room’ tending the afternoon of the 10th. While the nights here are too cold for real flowers to survive until later in May, we don’t care…Grandma gets fresh flowers on her death anniversary and that is that!
This year, her 2nd death anniversary, I did the tending alone. Now before you go all sappy on me and say “awe that is so sad”, let me assure you that it is not. As a matter of fact, I would have been surprised if it had been any different. I know we are all thinking about her today.
My brother Barry had this in his phone calendar: Event – Mom’s death anniversary, Location – Heaven. My sister Karen is flying back from Toronto today and thought perhaps 30,000 feet (AKA closer to heaven) would be a good time for her to have a chat with mom’s spirit. I haven’t talked to my brother John yet but I have no doubt he is connecting to mom in a special way today.
Even Grandpa, who needed more support at year one, is more settled with her death this year. While he now understands the circle of life timing that separated her spirit from her body, he wanted to do something special for Grandma today, here, on earth. So the gift you see below is from him.
Of course he did not forget Kalei…she too received a special floral gift today…
While I had a sense that both Kalei and Grandma were shaking their heads as they looked down at me from heaven, I just know they like the flowers and spiffy grass. That thought makes me smile for I know they understand we honor their life and their death and most of all, continue to love them so very, very much!
