Every now and then someone will say to me, “When you wrote and published Forever Kalei’s Mom, you took something bad — her death — and turned it into something good.” While I might not totally subscribe to the accuracy of that statement (it implies a conscious plan, and the book was anything but that), I appreciate the meaning behind their words. For me, the something of value (sorry, I just can’t use good) comes from the sum of three things: Kalei’s life, her death and the grief knowledge laid out in FKM. I rarely get to see how the totality of those three parts has made a difference in people’s lives, but when I do it is a gift to be treasured. For me, today is one of those days…

Growing up we were not a very openly affectionate family — immediate or extended. I don’t know why it was that way, it just was. When the grandkids came along, sometimes we ventured into the realm of affection if we had not seen each other for a long time, but for the most part we ignored displays of emotion. After Kalei died, all that changed. Knowing how quickly one of our own can be taken from us, now it doesn’t matter if we saw each other a year ago or just an hour, each encounter warrants a hug and sometimes a quietly whispered, “I love you.”  Kalei’s death also taught us to extend that demonstrative emotional commitment (or figurative hug if you will) to the dead as well as the living.

Today is our mother Helen’s one year death anniversary. With no fanfare or urging (by yours truly), everyone has either come together this weekend — or has acknowledged the date if they cannot be here — to honor not only the life she lived (all 86 years of it), but her continued presence in their regular universe lives. I think taking time out of our busy lives to show affection to those we love…even if they are not here to physically receive it…makes us better human beings.

And then…something I never thought of until today….

Our dad (no spring chicken himself anymore), is given a preview of how his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will honor him when his journey ends. Knowing dad as well as I do he has already extrapolated time to one year after his death and thoughts about us gathered around the now three graves as we embrace each other and those that have gone before us. I like to think that is a pretty good image for him to have as he ponders his own mortality. Perhaps that is one of the ‘something good’ things people are really talking about.

And finally, the last words in this post must go to our much loved wife, mother, Grandma, aunt, sister and daughter…

“We love you and miss you so very much! Thank-you for loving us in life, and in death, we know you continue to watch over us from your home in heaven.”