While I felt Kalei’s spirit leave this earth, she left in such an abrupt manner, the shock of it did not allow me to properly grasp the details of that occurrence…at least not in a way that gave me enough information to properly describe it. It was much different with my mom’s death.

By the time early April 2015 rolled around, mom’s health was clearly failing. As it became more and more apparent that the end was near, I spoke to her about cancelling my upcoming trip to Maui but vehemently argued against it. “No!” she said, “I don’t want you to stay, I want you to go. Please don’t cancel anything.” I left the reservations in place.

The night before I was supposed to leave I spent the evening with her in the hospital. While she slept most of the time, I was able to ask her a really important question. I needed to know if she had come to terms with the end of her life. If that answer was no, I did not think I could leave. During one of her lucid moments I said, “Mom, are you ready to go home?” To which she replied, “Yes, I want to go home.” Not sure that she really understand the ‘home’ I was talking about I clarified, “Not home to Medicine Hat, but home to heaven…where Kalei is.” With more than a little bit of annoyance in her voice — like I wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box — she answered, “I know what home you are talking about!”  

After that I gave her a hug and we both smiled; content in the knowledge that she was not afraid to die because she was going to heaven to be with her granddaughter. When I left her hospital room that night, I thought that was our final good-bye…I was wrong.

As always when I am in Maui, I am up very early due to the 4 hour time difference. Friday April 10^th was no different. After going for a 4:30 AM walk and then spending a bit of time blogging, by 6:30 AM I was ready to watch the sunrise from my lanai with a warm cup of coffee. As I listened to the birds chirp and the sound of the ocean in the background, I was in as peaceful place as can be. Then out of nowhere, I felt something pass through the center of my body. It was so powerful I dropped my cup of coffee and leaned forward into it. It was as if someone pried open my chest and a cool breeze passed through my heart. It was so tangible I actually looked down at my chest thinking I would be able to see what was causing that sensation. In the next breathe I cried out, “Oh my God! Mom! It’s you, I know it’s you!”…and then…“You finally got to visit Hawaii!”…and then…she was gone.

In that moment I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that mom was either dead or very close to it. That knowing was confirmed an hour later when my sister called to tell me that our mother’s life on this earth had ended.  After I hung up the phone I whispered, “Thank-you grandma, I know what you did and I cannot thank-you enough!” 

You see, my mom made the extra effort to reach out and touch my heart before she left for a very special reason. By doing what she did, she was able to take the ‘touch’ of my spirit with her to give to my daughter. I have to believe Kalei gratefully accepted both the presence of her much loved Grandma and the special gift she brought with her.   

That day, and every day since, when I think about the power of that moment, I can’t stop smiling. Perhaps that is why, when I look at my mom’s grave, there is no pain, just a whole lot of grateful love.