After nearly 16 years spent learning how to manage my new world and different life in as positive way as possible, the grief or death based side of my life is pretty much a natural part of me now. That happened partly because of repetition, partly because my family and friends continue to support that part me and partly because my happiness depends on me continuing to manage Kalei’s death in that way.

While events such as her death anniversary and birthday shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, there are other parts of the grief influenced side of my world that might not seem so, well, normal.

To give you an illustrative idea of what I am talking about, take a look at the following pictures.

Every year I have a spring has arrived ritual. Step one is the yard. The remaining leaves are picked up, mulch is spread, statues are put out, the waterfall is activated and the lawn furniture is set up.

This is what the yard looks like when I am done by early June.

Step two is ‘the ditch’. With a weed eater cut the grass around all the crosses and the rock cross, touch up Kalei’s cross with paint and put up a new vase/flowers/picture.

This is what ‘the ditch’ looks like by early June.

Then there are the not so physically illustrative aspects of my ‘normal’ world. For example, Kalei’s Grampa has been struggling with his health of late. It became too difficult for him to continue to live on his own in Medicine Hat with his nearest children 3 hours away. While the decision was difficult, he felt it was time to move into an independent living facility in Calgary. It was my job to source out the best new home for him.

With a little help from my special angel (I am sure she had a hand in this) and Aunty Karen (I am sure-sure on this one as it was Karen’s recommendation) the choice pointed to one place in particular…Amica Aspen Woods. After finding out they had suites available, I quickly made an appointment for a tour.

After Joyce, a very beautiful soul I might add, finished the tour and gave me all the information I needed, I knew this was the right place for dad. So I said to her, “Joyce, this is perfect. Not only do I think dad will love it here but it is so convenient to the cemetery.”

Yup, you guessed it. I went from being a candidate for the best daughter of the year to the worst daughter of the year in a heartbeat. The look on her face told me I had better clarify and quickly. So I said, “No, no, no…not convenient in the way you are thinking. You see Eden Brook Memorial Gardens is where my daughter Kalei and her grandma are buried is only 5 minutes from here. Since I go there all the time to tend their graves, stopping to visit dad on the way would be very convenient.” While my explanation may not have put me back on the first list, it at least took me off the second one.

To be honest, taking about the cemetery, death and grief are such a normal part of my life, sometimes I forget my words might sound not so normal to others. While I feel a little bad when I make folks uncomfortable for a minute or two (until I explain), by the same token, I think it is very positive that those aspects of my life feel normal to me. I think that means I have learned (and continue to learn) how to manage my grief in a way that is healthy and empowering.

I can’t really ask for a better normal than that. Sorry if I forget it’s not that way for you when nattering away about my new life and different world.