Well, it is Feb 10^th and I am about to board a plane to Mexico…for the first time. I am looking forward to this new experience especially as I am going with Kalei’s Uncle John and Aunty Carol who I enjoy travelling with. We are heading to a small fishing village called Los Ayala. It is a popular winter vacation destination for so many Saskatchewan folks it is often referred to as Little Saskatchewan.

While we were waiting to board our plane, I looked around the waiting room at the Regina Airport. I couldn’t help but notice that the words ‘senior’ applied to just about everyone there. “John” I said. “Look around, we are senior citizens now…doesn’t that feel weird?” Because my brother lives in a very calm and mellow place (at least on the outside) he replied, “Yup.”

That’s it! No “yeah that sucks” or “I don’t feel like a senior citizen” or “let’s not make eye contact and maybe we can fool ourselves”…just a simple, factual “Yup.”

Sigh…where did the time go? Bloody hell, I hate that question! Not for the aging process itself — that part is what it is — but it reminds me of the ever lengthening gap between Kalei’s death and the here the now. Another sigh…

After arriving in Puerto Vallarta, a quick 60 minute drive took us to our destination. Friends of my brother and sister-in-law were waiting to greet us. As I don’t have their permission to post photos, you will just have to trust me when I say they are as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside. Not only are they nice people, but their hospitality made our stay in Mexico so much more than it would have been without them there.

The next morning I headed down to the beach by myself to look around and do a bit of thinking about all that had taken place during the past six months. With the end of my first relationship in 16 years, I was struggling with the implications of that loss and how it might affect my future. While I know it was the right decision (for both parties), I was beyond sad that my second (the first was publishing FKM) regular universe dream since Kalei died could not be realized…at least in the long term. Now what do I do? Should I save my heart from more pain and give up trying to find the one-ish (I don’t believe in the one anymore) or continue to work on finding relationship happiness? Sheesh! That is a really tough question knowing the risks involved.

As I was wandering along the shoreline chewing on this conundrum I thought, maybe I should call it a day and try and be happy on my own for the rest of my life. It would be a lot safer. Of course that thought was followed by but deep down inside I don’t think that is what I am supposed to do. I finished my self-talk with I don’t know what to do!

Right about then a group of pelicans landed nearby. Reverting back to my habit of talking to, well, basically no one but myself for all those years, I jokingly said to this group of handsome fellows, “Do any of you want to be my new boyfriend?” Their lack of enthusiasm was not encouraging…

 

Not to be deterred from looking for some sort of divine intervention or ‘word from God’ (even from uncooperative and uncommunicative pelicans) that would tell me to now give up trying to find love, I spotted a fellow all off on his own (my kind of guy) and snapped this image at the same time I said, “What about you? Are you looking for a girlfriend?”

 

 

I don’t know if you can see his expression as clearly as I can guarantee you the look in his eyes was not promising.

At that point I decided it was best to leave this particular Q & A for another day. That being said, I am grateful to him for how much I laugh every time I look at this picture and remember ‘our’ conversation.

 

 

Needless to say, once I left my relationship pity party behind, I had a wonderful time over the next few days.

One of the highlights was lighting the heart shaped lantern for Kalei on Valentine’s Day and watching it float off to the heavens.

 

I had no trouble saying,

“Happy Valentine’s Day Sweetie Pie”

in that moment.

 

 

 

Another special event was having a beach vendor made a bracelet with Kalei’s name on it. When I wear it I feel like I have found another way to keep a part of my child in my lifetime ahead. Or, maybe because it feels like a Kalei gift, a reward for continuing to give it my all in my lifetime ahead. Either way, I am grateful for the happiness this tiny band of string brings me.

As to the sad waiting for me at home? I have decided to not give up but rather learn from this latest lifetime ahead lesson and continue to work on future blackboard dream #2. While finding the oneish may not happen as quickly as I would like, my life is still pretty good. I am blessed to have the best family and friends anyone could ask for. Add to that the power of faith and what feels like a whole lot of angels determined to push me this way or that, well, sad isn’t going to have a chance to hang around for very long!