Death does not always have to be present for an event to be unimaginable. Looking at images of the Fort McMurray, Alberta wildfires I believe there will be far too many people — adults and children — who will have to go through the unimaginable law of repetition for a very long time before those thoughts can be properly placed in their memory bank. If you don’t believe me, think about your home as it stands. Now, take a look at this picture…

Photograph copyright: Scott Olson/Getty Images

I would be willing to put money on what is left of that burnt out table that your mind automatically refuses to let you associate this image with any part of your life. Well, so too will it be for the many families from Fort McMurray who have had their homes burn to the ground and entire lifetimes of tangible belongings and memories destroyed… at least in the beginning. While they see and hear the truth, it will take months (and yes, even years) of detailed event storytelling before their mind, heart and soul can come to terms with what has happened. 

Please know that each time these grieving families (and yes they are going to have to grieve) tell their stories, they are converting the unimaginable into the imaginable in a process that will eventually empower them. Eventually they will trust in the circle of life again…maybe a bit more cautiously this time knowing how quickly a break in the circle can occur, but in time (and a lot of storytelling) they will learn how to live again while carrying this horrific event in their memory banks. Some parts will dim over time, but disappear completely? No, that will never happen for this experience will be an imaginable part of them and those, well, they stay with you forever.

Please don’t try and push these families too far into the future by well-intentioned statements about “re-building” and “being grateful for whatever they have left”. They don’t need you to tell them that…they know and embrace those truths already. The truth is they are smack dab in the middle of an unimaginable event (the fire is only a part of it) and grief will continue to demand its pound of flesh even as they struggle to learn how to manage their new lives.  

For now, outside of funding and whatever relief services you can provide, the best what-can-I-do-to-help thing you can do to help is to be silent and just listen for they need to tell their story.

And, if you are able, please consider donating to the Canadian Red Cross Alberta Fires Appeal. The Alberta and Canadian governments are matching individual donations so your contribution will be much bigger than you think.