Okay…this the last blog about remembering…at least for a while lol. I’m sorry if it seems like I am harping on the subject of the regular universe participating in the different part of my new and different life but it just feels so good to hear Kalei’s name or know she still has a tiny sliver of space left in someone else’s life.

That all being said, there comes a time when one has to back away from a subject (AKA nagging…heard that also!!!) in order to see if the ways of the past have been altered, and if yes, in a positive or negative way.

From my perspective, grief norms have not changed a lot during my generation or those that came before. Yes, traditions, protocols, ceremonies, etc. have evolved as we humans developed technology and industry, but emotionally, outside of the 5 stages of grief identification, most folks treat unimaginable grief the same way as imaginable grief. That is until the 1980-2000 Millennial generation.

Now before you go off on me you know-it-all Gen x’s, Baby Boomers (of which I am one), etc., there are many, many, many among you who have opening your hearts and souls to the kind of change I talk about. To you…my thanks and kudos also. But as far as a mass group goes, I think the Millennial’s are leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of us when it comes to embracing change…all of it.

Let me explain…

Excluding friends like Sandy, Jack and Lauren who had to learn, some of Kalei Millennial friends — Devon and Blair come to mind right off — signed onto my different life needs right after her death. Then, because they love me, close generational friends and family listened to my grief needs and responded accordingly. Eventually, it has become more or less normal for them all to talk about Kalei, death, angels, well, pretty much anything associated with the death part of life.

But, even with all that love, sometimes it feels like I am waging an uphill battle for change.

Then, I received a couple of gifts…

In the days before Kalei’s 16^th death anniversary, I stumbled upon a couple of old messages in Facebook that were in an unfamiliar location. I cannot tell you how amazing reading these notes felt. That they came from today’s much aligned youth made them even more special. Read for yourself…

Hi Lorene, you don’t know me but my name is Janelle and I’m from xxxx. You just popped up in my “People you many know” list. I still think about Kalei from time to time. I was quite young when I knew her but she was special to me and someone to look up to. I have only a handful of memories of her but I’ll never forget them. It’s been many years, but I’m sorry for your loss. I never had the chance to say so. Much love, Janelle.

Then…

Hi Lorene, I know you don’t know me but I used to go to school with Kalei. I want to say I loved your book. I read it in less than two days. It was very eye opening and insightful. I am sorry for your loss and thank you for writing your book. It’s great. Ana from xxx.

For some reason this particular generation seems more open to the kind of emotional and spiritual change required to make a difference in the lives of those living with unimaginable grief. Janelle and Ana’s messages reminded me of other notes I have received over the years. Some from my era, but most from Kalei’s generation.

That kind of empathy got me thinking. I said to myself, “Is it just me and a tiny few very special young people or is this change coming from a wider demographic?” I knew the answer when I stumbled across an article in the paper the other day.

It was a story about an interview Prince’s William and Harry did. In it they talked about their mother’s death. They were amazingly open about their unimaginable grief. With grace and dignity they spoke of their emotional pain. How they felt, what they held inside and what they allowed themselves to show the world during the days/months/years after their mother, Princess Dianna’s funeral.

That these very public figures stood up, using all their celebrity, shouted out to the world much of what I have been saying about unimaginable grief made my wounded heart very happy. That they also made the decision to keep their deceased mom in their lives, share her name, life and stories with her grandchildren and communicate all of that to the world cemented my hope for not only this, but now, the generations that are following.

In closing, while I don’t mean to minimize the amazing contributions in this area by all age groups, it’s just of late it seems the media is attributing much of the negative societal extremism to the Millennial’s and I felt it was time to say something very positive about that group. Add to that, my Sweetie Pie comes from that group and the mom in me still wants to cheer her ‘era’ on.

To the open minds and hearts everywhere who, hard as it may be, are open to embracing emotional change…kudos to you! You have my gratitude, you have my thanks.