Strangely enough, I am far more appreciative of Mother’s Day after Kalei died than I was when she was alive. I thought I’d hear the Happy Mother’s Day salutation forever and in doing so, did not give it the attentional respect my daughter’s words deserved. Now with mom’s death, the two people in my life who were critical to the importance of this day for me no longer on this earth, Mother’s Day can easily turn into one of those really bad grief days if I do remain stalwart in the days before, during and after.
For example, mom died last year. I know she is gone but old habits don’t disappear overnight. The other day I had a mild panic attack when I said to myself, “Dangit! I forgot to send Mom a Mother’s Day card!” only to realize a second later I wouldn’t be doing that again. But instead of getting in a blue funk, I decided she would be very happy with a “Happy Mother’s Day” wish as I gently polish her marker. Somehow I think she liked it…of course it did not hurt that she also got a visit from the love of her life!
Grandpa with his ‘girls’…
So much love…
As to Kalei and how I live with every mother’s day, well, I have had to learn how to accommodate the pain. Fortunately, I am blessed with friends and family who do what they can to ease the pain of what this day means. I smile when I think of Aunty Karen handing me a rose and saying, “Happy Mother’s Day from angel Kalei” or my friend Sandy or brother Barry giving me the honor of that salutation or a beautiful Mother’s Day card that arrived in the mail from my niece Heather and her daughter Mackenzie. Sometimes it is a text from a new friend who read my book and somehow figured out how important it was for me to still hear Happy Mother’s Day. Thanks to all of them, I can smile as I accept their gift of love, caring and compassion.
Today, as I knelt beside the graves of Kalei and her Grandma I though…
Three generations…
Within this circle are three generations of women…
two who have had the privilege of being wished a
Happy Mother’s Day and then there is one
who will never be given that gift…this was not
how it was supposed to be!
After waves of sadness washed over me…I looked up and said, “Happy Mother’s Day Grandma” and in my next breathe said, “Thank-you Sweetie Pie…I hear you loud and clear!”
And then I felt their joy and love showering down on me. It turned out to be happy day after all.
In closing, whether you know parental grief or not, from my heart to yours…Happy Mother’s Day to each and every one of you!
