I came across this picture of Kalei taken the Christmas before she died. We were at her Uncle John and Aunty Carols farm in Saskatchewan. She looks so very happy sitting on Santa’s knee. In her face I see beauty, joy, playfulness, shyness, tenderness and love. It feels like I see all of my Sweetie Pie in that picture.

See for yourself…

Shortly after finding the photo, I happened upon a couple of posts I had written the second Christmas after she died. They had to do with an initial determination to never engage or be joyful during Christmas or any other time for that matter. To read those words now, I appreciate just how far I have come.

It wasn’t until last week that I realized just how precipitous all these ‘coincidental’ findings were.

You see, for the first time since that photo was taken, I will be at my brother and sister-in-laws farm on Christmas Eve. That this particular photo has become a visual stuck record in my mind and finding the lost posts and the fact that this Christmas is a mirror of the one 14 years ago (minus a living Kalei), seems, well, so prophetic that I felt I had to share it with you.

Because of the number and length of blogs needed to present the intricacies of my journey and associated thought processes, I have broken the message to 4 parts. I promise to post all of them over the next 3 days.

I apologise in advance for the trilogy, but there was no other way.