August 20th and another year…21
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, there is no doubt you left a permanent space in this world when you died. Even after all these years precious memories bring smiles. Unfulfilled dreams, well, not so much. Your spirit continues to be a part of my life and the lives of those who love you. When we ‘feel’ a gentle Angel push in the right direction we are grateful. When we…..
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, 2019 marks 18 years since your earth life ended. I cannot help but bow my head in sorrow as I FEEL the truth of those words. Even now, grateful as I am for the gift of 16 years together, I long for more time with you. Here with me! By my side! Where you belong! And then, I smile as my mind takes…..
Happy Birthday My Sweetie Pie! It is hard to believe you were born 34 years ago today. That moment seems like just yesterday. How I wish the universe had chosen a different path for you and I. But it did not. .And so my Angel, I will continue to treasure the 16+ years of sweet birthday celebrations and do my very best to treasure the last 17+ years of bittersweet birthday moments. I send you hugs and kisses all the…..
March 16, 2018 marks a very important day in my grieving journey. Why? At 0731 hours today, Kalei will have been dead as long as she lived. It might come as a surprise to people to learn I knew about this day a very long time ago. Shortly after Kalei was killed, I felt a need to know when this day, hour and minute would arrive. As to exactness of the end cessation of life, I feel obligated to insert…..
The Ditch Kalei’s Room (and Grandma’s too) and finally…from My Heart
During the past few months I have been asked this question, “What should I say?” way too often. Sadly folks come to me when the death is unimaginable. I don’t mind being approached and am for sure okay with providing the best answer I can, it just sucks that the question has to be asked in the first place. While my level of unimaginable understanding comes from my experience with Kalei’s death in a car crash, I believe any death that does…..
After nearly 16 years spent learning how to manage my new world and different life in as positive way as possible, the grief or death based side of my life is pretty much a natural part of me now. That happened partly because of repetition, partly because my family and friends continue to support that part me and partly because my happiness depends on me continuing to manage Kalei’s death in that way. While events such as her death anniversary…..
Two years ago today Kalei’s Grandma Helen died — she was 88 years old. She had a good life. She had a long life. She was fortunate to be healthy for most of those 88 years. It was only in the past couple of years that she began to struggle. She wasn’t in pain, but ever so slowly her lungs were filling up with scar tissue which, in time, made breathing more and more difficult. Her illness did not really…..
The other day I was looking through my office for one of my favorite books — A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. During the course of my search I came across one of the many journals I accumulated in the months after Kalei’s death. All lovingly given, the intent was for me to write about my pain and sorrow rather than keep all those thoughts locked up inside me. As I already applied that technique via the online forum on Kalei’s original website,…..
Growing up I always called my parents Mom and Dad. I rarely heard their real names. Even between each other, it was “Go ask Mom” or “Go ask Dad”, never Helen or Zack. For me, those titles stayed in place until the day Kalei was born. From that moment on, Mom and Dad became Gramma and Grampa. When she was old enough to talk, my parents became Grammie and Grampie. It was the same for my siblings. Uncle John became ‘Nuncle John and so on. While…..
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