Two unimaginable events taught me how important it was to let the survivors of those events tell their story. Just like I did, they too need to tell and re-tell their experience in order to learn how to turn their unimaginable experience into an imaginable one. One boy survived the crash that killed Kalei. A couple of months after her death one of his friends phoned me and said, “Lorene, are you mad at Jared?” “Of course not” I replied,…..
Ever since I heard the newscasts about the killings in Orlando, it feels like a part of my being can’t help but reach out to the broken hearts of each and every parent being forced to learn what unimaginable really means. I try not to lean into their unspeakable pain too much, but my mind keeps repeating…I am just so very sorry! As I watched the media coverage in the days and weeks after, I could not help but notice…..
Unlike many moms I have talked to, I have yet to see Kalei in a dream. I don’t know why that is, it just is. Maybe one day…at least I hope so. In the meantime, I do my best to remain alert and open to her presence in my non-sleeping hours. It is not easy to keep your mind aware of a kind of 6th sense communication, especially when the messages often seem very cryptic or, well, sort of multi-dimensional……
My Introduction to Hiking – A Lifetime Ahead Story
The hard physical work of raising cattle and working on a grain farm — well into my adult years — kept me active and physically fit. Even in my youth, outside of participating in every sport available in our rural community, the thought of exercising just for the sake of it never entered my mind because at the end of each day my body was tired…I did not need to do crunches or yoga or hike for miles on top of…..
While I felt Kalei’s spirit leave this earth, she left in such an abrupt manner, the shock of it did not allow me to properly grasp the details of that occurrence…at least not in a way that gave me enough information to properly describe it. It was much different with my mom’s death. By the time early April 2015 rolled around, mom’s health was clearly failing. As it became more and more apparent that the end was near, I spoke to her about cancelling my upcoming trip to Maui but…..
I must start this blog with an assurance …unless you are forced into an unimaginable event; your brain will never allow you to really understand. But that mental limitation does not mean you cannot still add to your knowledge of this kind of life experience. If you are bold enough to try, this blog will not only help those looking at the unimaginable from the inside out, but the people whose viewpoint is from the far safer outside looking in perspective. As mentioned in the book, we humans are…..
While I no longer live in A Lifetime I Could Not Imagine, I have recently felt a need to write about one particular aspect from that time. That feeling tells me someone out there needs this information and they need it now. I hope what I have to say helps… Back, way back, almost to the beginning of my grieving journey, I became acutely aware of grief’s influence on my reflective image — you know — what you see when you look at yourself in…..
After Kalei was born, that day became the singularly most important date in my yearly calendar. Without fail, and regardless of financial ability, I always arranged for a special party and birthday celebration for my Sweetie Pie. I loved doing them and she loved having them. Even in her later teenage years, when her friends were far more important than her old mom, I managed to get some mother-daughter birthday time. This was her last one… …..
This is the 2nd post I wrote about Christmas 2002. I find it fascinating to read now as I see how my mind automatically searched for ways to not only survive Kalei’s death, but learn how to do so in a thoughtful manner. The mind is clearly an amazing tool. Even when we ‘think’ we do not want to live or engage in life anymore, the human will to survive pushes us to do more and be more. Without being…..
The second Christmas after Kalei died, I wrote the following on Kalei’s forum. To those who did not have the opportunity to follow those posts, I would refer to Kalei’s gravesite as her ‘room’ in my stories. This is what I wrote on December 1, 2002… Last year I could not face Christmas, so I just pretended there was no such thing as a holiday season. I told my mind to treat it like any other day of the year…..
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