March 16, 2018 marks a very important day in my grieving journey. Why? At 0731 hours today, Kalei will have been dead as long as she lived. It might come as a surprise to people to learn I knew about this day a very long time ago. Shortly after Kalei was killed, I felt a need to know when this day, hour and minute would arrive. As to exactness of the end cessation of life, I feel obligated to insert…..
In making my decision to keep writing blogs I knew I could only do so if I interspersed some regular universe stories/lessons among the more spiritual/parallel universe/grief ones. Not only does writing about my regular universe experiences give me a greater depth of understanding of myself, but it also helps me maintain perspective if the experience wasn’t exactly, well, positive. In a previous blog I wrote a bit about my about online dating experience. I might have been a ‘wee’…..
First and foremost, please accept my apologies for not posting a blog since August. It wasn’t because I could not think of anything to write — nothing could be farther from the truth. The truth is I just did not want to write, no, make that think, about grief, at least for a while. No thinking by default meant no writing. For those of you that have faithfully read all the stories on Kalei’s original website and now my Forever…..
Kudos to a much aligned generation…the Millennial’s
Okay…this the last blog about remembering…at least for a while lol. I’m sorry if it seems like I am harping on the subject of the regular universe participating in the different part of my new and different life but it just feels so good to hear Kalei’s name or know she still has a tiny sliver of space left in someone else’s life. That all being said, there comes a time when one has to back away from a subject…..
It seems I am destined to live a life sharing my inside voice with the world. Sigh…no matter how hard I try to keep those darn words locked up safely where they belong, escape seems inevitable. While I blame some of this habit on living alone (and no all you Mr., Ms. Mrs., etc. etc. Smarty Pants, I am not losing it! I have no invisible friends sitting at the other side of the table…harrumph!!) it really is personality based……
During the past few months I have been asked this question, “What should I say?” way too often. Sadly folks come to me when the death is unimaginable. I don’t mind being approached and am for sure okay with providing the best answer I can, it just sucks that the question has to be asked in the first place. While my level of unimaginable understanding comes from my experience with Kalei’s death in a car crash, I believe any death that does…..
It has been a very long time since I felt a new heart wound. That’s not to say I have not felt new sadness. The end of my first relationship in sixteen years hurt, but I did not let it traumatize me or make me give up on life. Rather it was that breakup that taught me how to properly differentiate between unimaginable grief pain and well, imaginable regular universe pain. The first one hurts so bad you want to rip open your chest and tear your heart out. It…..
Two years ago today Kalei’s Grandma Helen died — she was 88 years old. She had a good life. She had a long life. She was fortunate to be healthy for most of those 88 years. It was only in the past couple of years that she began to struggle. She wasn’t in pain, but ever so slowly her lungs were filling up with scar tissue which, in time, made breathing more and more difficult. Her illness did not really…..
One day my friend Sandy phoned and said, “Lorene, do you think there are similarities between the La–La Land chapter in your book and Hollywood’s movie La La Land (2016 Movie)? Maybe there is a blog in that answer.” “I don’t know,” I said. “I haven’t seen the movie yet.” Meanwhile, my inside voice said, Dangit, now that the question has been asked I won’t be able to rest until I know if there is any synchronicity between the two. Arrrgh!…..
The other day I was looking through my office for one of my favorite books — A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. During the course of my search I came across one of the many journals I accumulated in the months after Kalei’s death. All lovingly given, the intent was for me to write about my pain and sorrow rather than keep all those thoughts locked up inside me. As I already applied that technique via the online forum on Kalei’s original website,…..
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