Since Kalei died, the only time I saw her in my dreams she was a faceless gossamer image. While I could not physically identify her from that shape, I knew it was the spirit of my child. For years I begged and pleaded with God for a dream that would let me see an earthly flesh and blood image of my daughter — you know, physical as well as spiritual. But night after night…nothing. My friend Sandy often spoke of…..
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, I miss you so much! After 12 years, the pain of your death continues to wreak havoc with my being. Caution is still warranted when I look at your life as well as your death. Both views are still unspeakably painful. Whenever I open a Kalei memory door I can’t get past the threshold. The pain of remembering you alive takes my breathe away……
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, it is 10 years now… I miss you so much! I can’t help it, I just do. Time became both hated enemy and grief teacher the second life left your body. With heartless determination that second turned into minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and much too soon…an unimaginable year. One year turned into two, three, four and well, just so many more. Oh the agony of time! I…..
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, it is now 9 years since I last held you in my arms. The space between that moment and today is an ever widening chasm. All that is left of our life together is 16.5 years of well-worn memories and then nothing but memory emptiness. I struggle to grasp the harshness of that reality for the pain of knowing you are dead continues to…..
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, I have buried so many so many dreams in the past 7 years. Graduation, university, boyfriends and countless other growing up ‘firsts’ that can never be. One by one, my mother’s heart has laid them to rest. My head understands they should have died the moment you took your last breath, but my heart still grieves for each unfulfilled dream as their time comes…..
Last weekend I celebrated my first book signing at the Briercrest and District museum…how cool is that? Me? An Author! Not only was this a very unique experience on its own, but I was fortunate enough to be allowed to sign my books in the heritage cottage dedicated to a successful local Canadian poet, Edna Jacques. Edna had her first poem published at the age of 14 and became an internationally known writer and speaker. Many of her poems…..
I must start this blog with an assurance …unless you are forced into an unimaginable event; your brain will never allow you to really understand. But that mental limitation does not mean you cannot still add to your knowledge of this kind of life experience. If you are bold enough to try, this blog will not only help those looking at the unimaginable from the inside out, but the people whose viewpoint is from the far safer outside looking in perspective. As mentioned in the book, we humans are…..
The morning of January 23rd my friend Angela called to say she wanted to wish Kalei a happy birthday ‘in person’. She asked me I would drive out to the cemetery with her. As I had nothing planned until the evening, I replied, “Sure, I would love to take you! What time should I pick you up?” As we chatted about logistics, I realized this day might actually be the right time to deal with a crazy need-thought that had been nagging at me for the past month. For some reason,…..
Prior to Kalei’s death, I did not give much thought to the nuances of living a future based existence. Like most people, I assumed that my lifetime ahead events and the time triggers associated with them, were attainable imaginings, but in no way were they fixed into place if I did not want them to be or if I changed my mind. After she died, I came to appreciate how wrong I was about that last part. You see, when…..
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