In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 My Sweetie Pie, even after 13 years, your death still feels like it is just a heartbeat away. I miss you so much! I continue to ache with the need to hold you in my arms, especially on the days when the embrace of your spirit is just not enough. In those moments, I feel the harsh reality of your death. I cry, I grieve and then,…..
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, I miss you so much! After 12 years, the pain of your death continues to wreak havoc with my being. Caution is still warranted when I look at your life as well as your death. Both views are still unspeakably painful. Whenever I open a Kalei memory door I can’t get past the threshold. The pain of remembering you alive takes my breathe away……
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, I miss you so much! Eleven years and the longing to hold you in my arms makes my heart ache. Why wouldn’t it? I am still your mom! Time, often cruel, has not managed to take that title away from me. What I wouldn’t give to see the door open and hear you call out, “Hi Mummy, I’m home!” I can see the grin of…..
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, it is 10 years now… I miss you so much! I can’t help it, I just do. Time became both hated enemy and grief teacher the second life left your body. With heartless determination that second turned into minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and much too soon…an unimaginable year. One year turned into two, three, four and well, just so many more. Oh the agony of time! I…..
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, today marks eight years since you died. There has been much change this past year. I no longer ask the question, “Why did you have to die?” Nor do I ask God for a miracle and your return. Deep in my soul, I finally understand He cannot bring you back. I have also learned asking “why” does not matter for there is no answer…..
In Loving Memory Kalei Jasmine Holizki January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “My Sweetie Pie, I have buried so many so many dreams in the past 7 years. Graduation, university, boyfriends and countless other growing up ‘firsts’ that can never be. One by one, my mother’s heart has laid them to rest. My head understands they should have died the moment you took your last breath, but my heart still grieves for each unfulfilled dream as their time comes…..
“My Sweetie Pie, it is now six years since you died. Time continues to force your life deeper into the shadows. For most, your body is a but distant memory. Your spirit, a comfort no longer needed. Kalei, please know my love for you is too strong to ever lose sight of you in the shadows of time. I will always look for you and grieve when all I see is a dream. I will always reach for your spirit and rejoice…..
KALEI JASMINE HOLIZKI January 23, 1985 – August 20, 2001 “If I could have a lifetime wish a dream that would come true, I’d pray to God with all my heart for yesterday and you. A thousand words can’t bring you back I know because I tried. Neither will a thousand tears I know because I cried. You left behind my broken heart and happy memories too. But I never wanted memories… I only wanted you.” Forever, Kalei’s Mom by…..
The 1st Year In Memoriam
HOLIZKI – Kalei Holizki. 1985-2001 “Time says it has been one year since you died. But my Sweetie Pie, it has only been a heartbeat. For me, you will always be just a heartbeat away. I love you soooo much!” Forever, Kalei’s Mom
My grieving journey…from a different perspective
Every year at this time I begin the process of writing Kalei’s annual In Memoriam. As she will have been dead 15 years this August 20th, I find myself acknowledging another milestone. I don’t know why this is but for some reason increments of 5 and 10 feel BIGGER as far as her death anniversary date goes and this year is no different…15 feel REALLY BIG. Maybe that is why I found myself looking back at all the earlier memoriam submissions…something…..
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