Shortly after Kalei’s death, my home started filling up with angel paintings, statues and figurines. At one time, there were over 100 angel images in various shapes and sizes on the main floor alone. While that number has been greatly reduced over the years, the items that are left continue to figure prominently in my life. Some are associated with a comfort memory, several are loving gifts and a few remain only because they provide me with something to touch when I need to simulate connecting to my daughter’s spirit in a more tangible way.
Having all these angelic figures was not a purposeful change, it just happened in large part due to my need to assign a physical shape to my child’s spirit. Being surrounded by that kind of descriptive stimulation, it did not take long for Kalei to become angel Kalei.
That title has become a familiar part of my new world and different lifetime. It goes without saying that I was very upset when I found out I was not supposed to call her that, at least not according to my Catholic religion. I was told I could refer to her as a saint but angel, nope, that was not allowed.
As this information was upsetting to me, I spent some time with devotees of that religion discussing this ‘rule’. It was explained to me like this: angels are created with the sole purpose of ministering to people. They are non-human and do not ever exist in human form. We only know they exist because they bring us God’s messages. Saints on the other hand, are people who persuade their fellow earthlings to believe in God. They do have human form as long as they are alive, but they don’t get to talk to us after they die. Okay, I understand the angel/saint rules, now what do I do?
First, there is no way I can attribute sainthood to Kalei. While I love her dearly, she did not live long enough to make a Mother Teresa kind of difference in the world. Plus, when I mentally try and place her beside the likes of Saint Mother Teresa, it feels wrong, visually as well as from an accomplishment perspective. Second, I believe that Kalei is ministering to me. Maybe she is bringing the messages herself and maybe she isn’t, but believing in her spiritual presence the way that I do places my mind in the right space to hear whoever is doing the talking.
In my heart and soul, I am beyond sure that God is okay with the addition of angel to Kalei’s list of titles. Why wouldn’t he be? That same imaging keeps me connected to Him as well. It looks to me like everybody wins…the angel title stays.
