When death happens out of sync with the circle of life, a strange type of time mapping begins – at least it did for me. It started with identifying current time in hours since Kalei’s death, rather than the actual clock time itself. It was not 6:00 o’clock or 10:00 o’clock; it was 10 hours since she died and then 14 hours since she died and so on. Far too soon, I had to acknowledge the word ‘day’ in my new time perspective……
One of the things grieving Mom’s tell me about is the discomfort they encounter when trying to introduce the name of their scary sick, terminally ill or dead child into a conversation. To a person, they cite tears as the main contributing factor. Nine times out of ten; no matter how hard both parties try and hold their emotions in check, as soon as that child’s name is spoken the waterworks start. When that happens, regardless of who is doing the crying, both parties instinctively…..
After I published Forever Kalei’s Mom, I gave a copy of the book to a good neighbour of mine. After congratulating me he said, “Are you happy now?” I must confess; that question took me by surprise as I had no idea I appeared unhappy. As I stood there wondering what to say, he added, “Now that you have published your book, have you found peace?” Ah ha, I thought, he is not asking a book question, he is asking…..
Shortly after Kalei’s death, my home started filling up with angel paintings, statues and figurines. At one time, there were over 100 angel images in various shapes and sizes on the main floor alone. While that number has been greatly reduced over the years, the items that are left continue to figure prominently in my life. Some are associated with a comfort memory, several are loving gifts and a few remain only because they provide me with something to touch when I…..
The short answer to that question is, “No, it does not, at least not the unimaginable kind.” That being said, like most things in life, grief presents itself in degrees. The percentage reached is dependent on the physical who, what, when, where and why of each grief driven event. If the experience is imaginable the peak might be high initially, but the mind quickly takes charge and forces the grief driven pain into manageable levels. However, when the event is unimaginable,…..
There is no doubt that dead is a tough word. It is even tougher to handle when attached to the name of a child. If there were a top-10 list of unimaginable life experiences, the death of a child would be number one. On August 20, 2001, the unimaginable happened to me: my daughter, Kalei, was killed in a car crash. She was 16 and a half years old. Desperate for insight into the new world in which I found…..
The idea for the three sections or lifetimes in the book comes from a photograph. How that picture came into being was either the result of a simple misunderstanding or it was meant to be. Either way, the end result is the same. As the one-year anniversary of Kalei’s death drew near, my sister Karen asked if I had anything special planned for August 20th. I told her I was heading out to the cemetery first thing in the morning as I…..
From the day she was born I called Kalei, “My Sweetie Pie”. It wasn’t because she was that sweet in those early months; in fact she was such a colicky baby, even the older Grandmothers who knew ‘everything’ about babies would quickly hand her back to me because she would not stop crying. I called her that because it was her special name and made her feel loved. Growing up Kalei was quite precocious. When she was three years old…..
When I was asked to post my first official Forever Kalei’s Mom blog, it was suggested I begin with the question – why am I sharing my story? When I sat down to write my mind drew a blank. Not because I did not know the answer, but because I was thrown a bit by the realization that no one ever asks me that question. Why not? I think they believe they already know the answer. Invariably, when I tell…..
For my Canadian readers, Chapters/Indigo.ca and Amazon.ca are selling both the softcover and e-book in Canadian dollars which eliminates the exchange rate guess work:)
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